Giving Yourself Permission to Change
Why letting go of your past identity might be the key to becoming who you truly want to be.
"I can't do that. That's just not who I am."
I used to say this all the time. For years, I identified as someone who was terrible at public speaking. The thought of standing in front of a crowd made my heart race. I'd avoid any opportunity that might put me in that position. I remember one particular day in my final year of high school. Our teacher had assigned end-of-semester presentations, but with a twist. There was no predetermined order. We were simply told to stand up and present when we felt ready. The idea was to encourage initiative, but for me, it was pure torture.
As I sat there watching other students confidently walk to the front of the room, I felt my anxiety building. My notes were prepared, my slides were ready, but my mind kept racing with negative thoughts. What if I stumbled over my words? What if everyone thought my project was stupid? What if I completely blanked out midway?
Ten minutes passed. Then twenty. I kept telling myself "just one more person, then I'll go" but after each presentation, I found another reason to wait. I was clinging to my identity as "the person who's bad at public speaking," using it as a shield to avoid the discomfort of challenging that belief. But then I realized that with each passing minute, my anxiety wasn't decreasing. It was growing. Waiting wasn't helping. In that moment, I made a decision that felt almost out of character: I stood up.
Walking to the front of the class, I felt like every eye was judging me. My hands trembled as I connected my laptop. My first few sentences came out shaky, and I was convinced I was making a complete mess of it. I rushed through some parts too quickly and fumbled with my slides. In my mind, it was a disaster.
But when I finished and returned to my seat, something unexpected happened. Several classmates turned around and complimented me. During the break, two people came up to tell me they thought my presentation was one of the best. One even asked for my notes because they found my approach to the project so interesting.
That day changed something fundamental for me. It made me question, what other limitations had I placed on myself simply because I decided "that's not who I am"?
Have you ever noticed how we create these rigid identities for ourselves? We decide we're "not a morning person" or "not good with money" or "not the athletic type" – and then we live within these self-imposed boundaries.
What if these limitations aren't really who we are, but just who we've convinced ourselves to be?
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