One Stoic idea that actually changed how I handle things is the idea of focusing only on what I can control, something taught by Epictetus. The basic point is that some things are up to you, like your actions, effort, and attitude, and some things just aren’t, like other people’s opinions, outcomes, or random situations. When you really take that seriously, life feels lighter because you stop stressing about things that were never in your hands anyway. You just focus on doing your part properly and let the rest unfold. It’s similar to the mindset that Marcus Aurelius wrote about in Meditations, where the goal is basically to stay steady and do the right thing regardless of what’s happening around you. Paired with “memento mori” and “memento vivere,” it kind of reminds you that life is short, so there’s no point wasting energy on things you can’t control anyway. Just live properly and keep it moving. ✨
The Stoicism that recently resonated with me was the idea that the best way to react to someone or something negative is NOT to react, but to wait and let things settle. By not rushing to react and letting the dust settle, so to speak, you remove most of the emotion from the situation and can react with poise and tact. It shows an inner maturity and can make a difference in how you are seen by others. "Adulting with class" is what I call it. You literally do nothing, and it does so much for you.
I’ve come to see the simple act of not reacting, of pausing and letting things settle, as a way of moving the signal from the limbic system to the prefrontal cortex. From emotional turbulence to steadier ground. From immaturity to responsibility. That pause is what lifts us above the line: out of the grip of instinct and into the clarity of deliberate choice.
“Get busy with life's purpose, toss aside empty hopes, get active in your own rescue-if you care for yourself at all-and do it while you can.“ - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 3:14
This quote from Marcus, the idea of agency and working hard on yourself (because that's the only thing you can control). Helps me move through life daily, hard times, easy times, and the times when I want to quit.
Stoicism made me realise that doing everything right does not guarantee success. Life rarely works in such a clean and predictable way, and outcomes are not always a simple reward for effort or discipline. What doing the right things truly guarantees is something more subtle but far more durable. It shapes you into someone who can handle success if and when it arrives, rather than being overwhelmed by it.
Just as importantly, it prepares you to survive failure when things do not work out. External factors such as timing, opportunity, luck, and the actions of others always play a role in the final result. These are variables no one fully controls. What you do control is the standard you hold yourself to and the habits you build along the way.
That process quietly builds resilience, judgment, and stability. Success may still depend on the alignment between your preparation and the right moment. Failure, on the other hand, is almost guaranteed at some point. Being equipped to endure it, learn from it, and keep moving forward might matter even more than the success itself.
Since discovering Stoicism in March of 2025, my way of moving through the world has shifted in a meaningful way. I find myself calmer, more deliberate, and far less governed by the impulses that once dictated my reactions. Where I used to meet situations with immediate emotion, often with too much intensity, too much directness, and too little restraint, I now pause. I give myself the space to ask: How does this truly affect me? Is this within my control?
The recognition that external events lie outside my authority, whether they happen to me or to those I care about, has been transformative. What remains mine is my response, my judgment, my action, or my choice not to act when something falls entirely beyond my sphere of influence. This understanding has softened regret, eased guilt, and reduced the need to apologize for behavior that never aligned with the person I knew myself capable of being.
Stoicism has grounded me. It has become a steady companion in my effort to cultivate character. I’ve committed myself to learning its principles more deeply, and that commitment includes engaging with teachings, reflections, and communities that support the practice.
But the most important lesson has been this: knowledge alone is insufficient. Understanding the Stoic framework means little if I fail to apply it in the moments that test me. Real change comes from practice, from choosing temperance when anger rises, choosing clarity when confusion appears, choosing restraint when impulse pushes forward.
For me, that is the true transformation: the daily application of Stoic temperance across every part of my life.
I loved this! And it reminded me to live more presently in the moment, whilst dealing with a difficult situation (forced separation from my child). "Some things are up to us, most things are not. Everything you’re anxious about falls into one of these categories. The source of your suffering is that you’re treating things that aren’t up to you as if they are, spending your limited cognitive capacity trying to control variables you have no authority over."
I have someone in my life who struggles daily with the news about overwhelming world events. I try to share some of the concepts covered in your articles, with the intent to help. However, even though I love this person dearly, and weep for their mental health difficulties, your writing helps me to realize there are just some things I cannot change, and must accept. I can only focus on my own thoughts and actions.
I have had a similar situation with a loved one who, having been hypervigilant about her health for decades, had a stroke leaving her incapacitated and having to take pharmaceutical drugs for the first time in half a lifetime. The uncertainty of whether she'll regain function in her limbs, worrying about her husband who cares for her at home, her catastrophising every possible outcome of life from now on was agonising to watch. I felt powerless as she rejected every suggestion I made that worrying about what might happen in the future would only ruin any hope of peace or enjoyment in the "now" was summarily rejected as rubbish. Not worrying clearly, was an impossibility!
I learned to just "chill", listen, commiserate when appropriate and above all, just love her for all that she is.
The idea that people rarely pay attention to my mistakes in conversation or even rarer remeber them over a longer period of time changed my worldview significantly
You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you.
Develop the skill and power to sit back and observe things with logic. True power is restraint. If words control you that means everyone else can control you.
Breathe and allow things to pass.
This to me is the epitome of the Stoic philosophy. Being in control of one’s self and having self awareness is key to living an essential existence.
They both said: look pleasure in the eye, don't let it control you. Feel the urge, but ignore it. This is more better and sweeter than succumbing to it which leaves regrets.
This has allowed me to quit addiction, increased my discipline and self control.
Now, I've been fasting and this fourth cycle of 3 days fasting with I recovery days.
The idea that I don't have to control everything in order to actually be in control of myself. It was - and still is - the most breathtaking idea I've ever come across.
One Stoic idea that actually changed how I handle things is the idea of focusing only on what I can control, something taught by Epictetus. The basic point is that some things are up to you, like your actions, effort, and attitude, and some things just aren’t, like other people’s opinions, outcomes, or random situations. When you really take that seriously, life feels lighter because you stop stressing about things that were never in your hands anyway. You just focus on doing your part properly and let the rest unfold. It’s similar to the mindset that Marcus Aurelius wrote about in Meditations, where the goal is basically to stay steady and do the right thing regardless of what’s happening around you. Paired with “memento mori” and “memento vivere,” it kind of reminds you that life is short, so there’s no point wasting energy on things you can’t control anyway. Just live properly and keep it moving. ✨
The Stoicism that recently resonated with me was the idea that the best way to react to someone or something negative is NOT to react, but to wait and let things settle. By not rushing to react and letting the dust settle, so to speak, you remove most of the emotion from the situation and can react with poise and tact. It shows an inner maturity and can make a difference in how you are seen by others. "Adulting with class" is what I call it. You literally do nothing, and it does so much for you.
I’ve come to see the simple act of not reacting, of pausing and letting things settle, as a way of moving the signal from the limbic system to the prefrontal cortex. From emotional turbulence to steadier ground. From immaturity to responsibility. That pause is what lifts us above the line: out of the grip of instinct and into the clarity of deliberate choice.
“Get busy with life's purpose, toss aside empty hopes, get active in your own rescue-if you care for yourself at all-and do it while you can.“ - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 3:14
This quote from Marcus, the idea of agency and working hard on yourself (because that's the only thing you can control). Helps me move through life daily, hard times, easy times, and the times when I want to quit.
Stoicism helped me most when my daughter was diagnosed with leukaemia. It really taught me to focus on what we control and let go of the rest.
Stoicism made me realise that doing everything right does not guarantee success. Life rarely works in such a clean and predictable way, and outcomes are not always a simple reward for effort or discipline. What doing the right things truly guarantees is something more subtle but far more durable. It shapes you into someone who can handle success if and when it arrives, rather than being overwhelmed by it.
Just as importantly, it prepares you to survive failure when things do not work out. External factors such as timing, opportunity, luck, and the actions of others always play a role in the final result. These are variables no one fully controls. What you do control is the standard you hold yourself to and the habits you build along the way.
That process quietly builds resilience, judgment, and stability. Success may still depend on the alignment between your preparation and the right moment. Failure, on the other hand, is almost guaranteed at some point. Being equipped to endure it, learn from it, and keep moving forward might matter even more than the success itself.
Since discovering Stoicism in March of 2025, my way of moving through the world has shifted in a meaningful way. I find myself calmer, more deliberate, and far less governed by the impulses that once dictated my reactions. Where I used to meet situations with immediate emotion, often with too much intensity, too much directness, and too little restraint, I now pause. I give myself the space to ask: How does this truly affect me? Is this within my control?
The recognition that external events lie outside my authority, whether they happen to me or to those I care about, has been transformative. What remains mine is my response, my judgment, my action, or my choice not to act when something falls entirely beyond my sphere of influence. This understanding has softened regret, eased guilt, and reduced the need to apologize for behavior that never aligned with the person I knew myself capable of being.
Stoicism has grounded me. It has become a steady companion in my effort to cultivate character. I’ve committed myself to learning its principles more deeply, and that commitment includes engaging with teachings, reflections, and communities that support the practice.
But the most important lesson has been this: knowledge alone is insufficient. Understanding the Stoic framework means little if I fail to apply it in the moments that test me. Real change comes from practice, from choosing temperance when anger rises, choosing clarity when confusion appears, choosing restraint when impulse pushes forward.
For me, that is the true transformation: the daily application of Stoic temperance across every part of my life.
Love this. You are so right. Reading it, understanding it... means NOTHING if we don't practice it!
I loved this! And it reminded me to live more presently in the moment, whilst dealing with a difficult situation (forced separation from my child). "Some things are up to us, most things are not. Everything you’re anxious about falls into one of these categories. The source of your suffering is that you’re treating things that aren’t up to you as if they are, spending your limited cognitive capacity trying to control variables you have no authority over."
I have someone in my life who struggles daily with the news about overwhelming world events. I try to share some of the concepts covered in your articles, with the intent to help. However, even though I love this person dearly, and weep for their mental health difficulties, your writing helps me to realize there are just some things I cannot change, and must accept. I can only focus on my own thoughts and actions.
I have had a similar situation with a loved one who, having been hypervigilant about her health for decades, had a stroke leaving her incapacitated and having to take pharmaceutical drugs for the first time in half a lifetime. The uncertainty of whether she'll regain function in her limbs, worrying about her husband who cares for her at home, her catastrophising every possible outcome of life from now on was agonising to watch. I felt powerless as she rejected every suggestion I made that worrying about what might happen in the future would only ruin any hope of peace or enjoyment in the "now" was summarily rejected as rubbish. Not worrying clearly, was an impossibility!
I learned to just "chill", listen, commiserate when appropriate and above all, just love her for all that she is.
The idea that people rarely pay attention to my mistakes in conversation or even rarer remeber them over a longer period of time changed my worldview significantly
The best kind of revenge is not to become like them. Thank you I love getting your messages. It is such an ump way to live.
You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you.
Develop the skill and power to sit back and observe things with logic. True power is restraint. If words control you that means everyone else can control you.
Breathe and allow things to pass.
This to me is the epitome of the Stoic philosophy. Being in control of one’s self and having self awareness is key to living an essential existence.
Epictetus & Marcus talked about pleasure.
They both said: look pleasure in the eye, don't let it control you. Feel the urge, but ignore it. This is more better and sweeter than succumbing to it which leaves regrets.
This has allowed me to quit addiction, increased my discipline and self control.
Now, I've been fasting and this fourth cycle of 3 days fasting with I recovery days.
Without this stoic Principe, it'll be impossible
I don't have to have an opinion. Not only that, but I don't have to have an opinion that you have one.
Awareness Discipline Authenticity
Inner Compass
Focus on what is up to you, and detach from what is not.
The idea that I don't have to control everything in order to actually be in control of myself. It was - and still is - the most breathtaking idea I've ever come across.