You're Not Broken, You're Human
What if our struggles aren't problems to solve, but questions to explore?
What if the very idea that you need to be "fixed" is the problem?
I've been thinking about this question for weeks now, turning it over in my mind like a stone you find on the beach—smooth in some places, rough in others, revealing new textures each time you examine it from a different angle.
We live in an age obsessed with optimization. Everything can be hacked, improved, upgraded. Your sleep can be optimized. Your productivity can be maximized. Your relationships can be enhanced. Your mind can be debugged like faulty software.
But what if human consciousness isn't software at all? What if it's something far more complex, organic, and inherently unoptimizable?
When Fixing Becomes the Problem
The self-help industry is worth billions, therapy apps proliferate like digital wildflowers, and everyone seems to be on some kind of healing journey. Yet rates of anxiety, depression, and general life dissatisfaction continue to climb.
The premise that we need constant improvement creates many of the problems we're trying to solve.
The ancient Stoics took a different approach entirely. Rather than asking "How do I fix this?" they asked "What can this teach me?" Rather than demanding that life conform to their preferences, they explored how to live skillfully within whatever conditions they encountered.
Chrysippus, who wrote over 700 treatises on human nature, made a striking observation: the emotions we most want to eliminate often contain the information we most need to receive. Your anxiety isn't a malfunction. It's highlighting something you deeply care about. Your sadness isn't depression. It's processing a loss that deserves to be grieved. Your anger isn't toxicity. It's defending a boundary that matters to your wellbeing.
Every species that has survived millions of years of evolution has done so because their uncomfortable feelings served important functions. Fear keeps us alive. Pain tells us something needs attention. Loneliness drives us toward the social connections we need to thrive.
Why do we assume that when we feel these things, something has gone wrong?
Our modern assumption that we should feel good all the time ignores millions of years of evolutionary wisdom. The human emotional system operates exactly as designed. Discomfort isn't a bug. It's information.
Cato the Younger deliberately exposed himself to cold, hunger, and physical discomfort not because he enjoyed suffering, but because he wanted to understand what his mind and body were capable of. He was curious about the full range of human experience, including the parts that felt difficult.
He discovered that most of what we fear about discomfort comes from our resistance to it, not from the discomfort itself. The anticipation is often worse than the experience. The story we tell ourselves about what the feeling means creates more suffering than the feeling itself.
Working With Yourself
When you say "I need to fix myself," what are you really asking?
Are you asking to become someone different, or are you asking to become more skillfully yourself? Are you trying to eliminate parts of your humanity, or are you trying to understand how to work with them more effectively?
If you're trying to become someone different, you'll spend your life at war with your own nature. You'll constantly measure yourself against an impossible standard and find yourself lacking. You'll treat your natural responses as evidence of personal failure.
But if you're trying to become more skillfully yourself, you approach your emotions and challenges like a craftsperson approaches their materials. A woodworker doesn't try to make oak behave like pine. They learn the properties of oak: its grain, its density, its natural tendencies, and work with those properties to create something beautiful.
Your sensitivity doesn't need to be eliminated. It needs to be channeled. Your tendency to overthink doesn't need to be stopped. It needs to be directed toward problems worth solving.
Cleanthes, who worked as a night-shift boxer to pay for his philosophy studies, understood that human nature isn't a problem to overcome but a set of potentials to develop. He didn't try to become someone without physical needs or emotional responses. He learned to work with his human design so skillfully that his limitations became strengths.
Artists don't try to eliminate the constraints of their medium. Painters work with the properties of paint and canvas. Musicians work with the physics of sound and the limitations of instruments. The constraints aren't obstacles to creativity. They're what make creativity possible.
Your emotional and psychological patterns aren't flaws but the medium you're given to create a meaningful life. Learning to live well means becoming an artist of your own humanity rather than an engineer trying to optimize a machine.
When you're feeling overwhelmed, don't immediately try to make the feeling stop. Ask: What is this emotion demanding from you? What boundaries need to be set? What priorities need to be clarified?
When you're feeling uncertain, don't demand immediate clarity. Investigate: What is this uncertainty protecting you from? What decision are you avoiding? What information do you actually need?
When you're feeling disconnected, don't assume something is wrong with you. Examine: What kind of connection are you actually craving? What relationships need your attention? What communities might serve your growth?
📝 Today's Stoic Gameplan
Challenge Your Emotions: The next time you experience a difficult emotion, don't coddle it. Ask directly: "What is this feeling demanding from me?" Treat it like a messenger with important news, not a problem to be soothed away.
Examine Your Language: Notice when you talk about yourself in terms of problems and solutions. Replace "I need to fix this" with "What is this teaching me?" Replace "Why am I like this?" with "How can I work with this more skillfully?"
Use Your Design: Pick one aspect of your personality that you've been trying to change. Instead of fighting it today, put it to work. Channel your overthinking into planning. Direct your sensitivity toward understanding others. Use your intensity for focused action.
Question Your Resistance: When you catch yourself wishing you were different, ask: "What would I lose if I actually changed this about myself?" Often our supposed flaws serve functions we haven't recognized.
You don't need to be fixed because you were never broken. You need to be understood, developed, and skillfully directed. The question isn't whether you're working properly—it's whether you're working on purpose.
What would change if you stopped trying to repair yourself and started trying to understand yourself?
Stay stoic,
SW
Related posts:
8 Must-Read Books on Stoicism for Personal Growth
10 Books That Made Me Think Differently
5 Life-Changing Lessons from Marcus Aurelius
How to Take Action When You Don't Feel Like It
“digital wildflowers” What a great phrase! And a reminder to plant thoughtfully as we tend to the garden of the mind.
A very good article.
I’m going through a really tough period. I’m abusing myself and I have not grasped a hold of my alcoholism and OCD. My mother passed away this year, and my father and I are trying our best to keep up, but all we do is slip up. I definitely have been trying to fix myself and then I self sabotage. I do need help because this is not my true nature. But your posts are a tremendous help. (And quite addictive too actually) I’m grateful for all of the posts and everyone’s comments it’s giving me the realization that maybe I need to make small tweaks instead of giant leaps. Thank you thank you thank you