Social Media and Self-Worth
Stop letting other people's highlight reels make you feel inadequate. Learn how to protect your self-worth.
A few months ago, a close friend called me. He'd just turned 27 and was convinced he was failing at life.
Why?
Because he'd spent the evening scrolling through LinkedIn and Instagram, watching his former classmates announce new jobs, engagements, and apartment purchases.
"Look at this guy from high school," he said through frustration. "He just got promoted to senior developer and bought a condo downtown. And here I am, still living with roommates and trying to figure out my next career move. I feel so behind."
I listened to him list everything his friends were achieving while he felt stuck. The thing is, my friend had just finished a coding bootcamp, landed his first tech job, and was genuinely excited about his future just hours before opening those apps.
It struck me how quickly social media can turn a perfectly content person into someone who feels inadequate. In less than thirty minutes of scrolling, he went from celebrating his career change to feeling like a complete failure.
Sound familiar?
One moment we're proud of our journey, and the next we're questioning everything because of what we see online. It's like we voluntarily signed up to feel bad about ourselves every time we open an app.
But here's what I told my friend, and what took me years to understand: he was comparing his real, messy, behind-the-scenes life to everyone else's carefully edited highlight reel.
And that's a game nobody can win.
"How much trouble he avoids who does not look to see what his neighbor says or does." — Marcus Aurelius
Why We Fall for Highlight Reels
Social media has turned comparison into an Olympic sport. We're constantly exposed to other people's best moments, biggest achievements, and most photogenic experiences. But we're comparing these highlight reels to our everyday reality, which isn't fair to ourselves.
When you post on social media, do you share photos of yourself looking tired after a long day at work?
Do you post about feeling stressed about bills or having an argument with a friend?
Probably not.
You share the good stuff. And so does everyone else.
Yet somehow, we forget this when we're scrolling. We see everyone else's vacation photos and assume they're always traveling. We see their career updates and think they never struggle professionally. We see their relationship posts and believe they never have problems.
The reality is simple: you're comparing your whole life to tiny, edited pieces of other people's lives.
Stoic Philosophers Knew This Struggle
The Stoics understood that comparison leads to suffering long before social media existed. They knew that when we focus on what others have, we lose sight of what we control.
Epictetus, who started as a slave and became one of history's greatest philosophers, taught:
"Keep your attention focused entirely on what is truly your own concern, and be clear that what belongs to others is their business and none of yours."
Marcus Aurelius, despite being the most powerful man in the Roman Empire, still struggled with these feelings. He wrote in his personal journal:
"Remember that very little disturbs the soul other than our own opinion about things."
Your worth isn't determined by how you stack up against others.
It's determined by how you're growing and who you're becoming.
The Science Behind Social Media Envy
Research from the University of Pennsylvania found that people who limited their social media use to 30 minutes per day for just one week showed significant reductions in loneliness and depression. The study revealed that less social media use led to less comparison and greater life satisfaction.
What happens when we constantly compare ourselves:
Mental Health Impact: Studies show that heavy social media users report higher rates of anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.
Distorted Reality: We develop unrealistic expectations about what life should look like based on other people's edited posts.
Lost Focus: Instead of working on our own goals, we get distracted by what everyone else is doing.
Decreased Gratitude: We stop appreciating what we have because we're always focused on what we lack.
Five Ways to Escape the Trap
The good news is that you have complete control over how much you let comparison affect you. Here's how to protect your peace of mind:
1. Remember the Full Picture
Every time you catch yourself comparing, remind yourself that you're only seeing a small piece of someone's life. That person celebrating their promotion might have been job searching for months. The couple posting happy photos might have just worked through a difficult conversation.
Everyone faces challenges. Everyone has bad days. Everyone struggles with something. You just don't see it on social media.
2. Focus on Your Own Journey
Instead of looking sideways at what others are doing, look back at how far you've come. Ask yourself:
What have I learned this year?
How have I grown since last month?
What am I proud of accomplishing recently?
Your only real competition is the person you were yesterday.
3. Practice Gratitude Daily
When you catch yourself feeling inadequate because of what you see online, immediately shift your focus to three things you're grateful for. This simple practice rewires your brain to notice the good in your own life instead of what's missing.
4. Curate Your Feed Mindfully
You have control over what you see. Unfollow accounts that consistently make you feel bad about yourself. Follow people who inspire you to grow rather than make you feel inadequate.
Remember: you wouldn't invite someone into your home who constantly made you feel bad about yourself. Don't let them into your social media feed either.
5. Limit Your Exposure
Consider setting specific times for social media use instead of mindless scrolling throughout the day. Many people find that checking social media only once or twice a day, rather than constantly, significantly improves their mood and productivity.
The Stoic Approach to Self-Worth
The Stoics believed that your worth comes from your character, your effort, and your growth. Not from your job title, your relationship status, or how many likes you get on a post.
Marcus Aurelius reminded himself:
"Very little is needed to make a happy life. It is all within yourself, in your way of thinking."
Your self-worth should be based on:
Your Values: Are you living according to what matters to you?
Your Effort: Are you trying your best with what you have?
Your Growth: Are you learning and improving?
Your Character: Are you kind, honest, and reliable?
These things can't be measured by social media metrics, but they're what actually matter for a fulfilling life.
A Personal Reality Check
Here's something that changed my perspective completely: I started thinking about the people I most admire in real life. My grandmother, who shows incredible kindness to everyone she meets. My mentor, who always makes time to help others succeed. My friend who volunteers at the animal shelter once every month.
None of these people have huge social media followings. None of them post about their good deeds constantly. But they're the people who inspire me most. Their worth has nothing to do with their online presence and everything to do with who they are as people.
That's when I realized that the most important parts of life often happen offline.
📝 Today's Stoic Gameplan
Morning Intention: Before checking any social media, remind yourself: "My worth is not determined by comparison. I am focused on my own growth and journey."
Mindful Scrolling: If you use social media today, pause before opening each app. Ask yourself: "Am I checking this for a specific purpose, or am I just mindlessly scrolling?"
Gratitude Shift: Every time you catch yourself comparing, immediately think of three things you're grateful for in your own life. Write them down if possible.
Progress Check: Instead of looking at what others are doing, spend 5 minutes reflecting on one way you've grown or improved recently. Celebrate your own progress.
Evening Reflection: Before bed, write down one thing you accomplished today that you're proud of, regardless of whether anyone else knows about it.
Remember, social media is just a tool. It can connect us with friends, inspire us, and help us learn new things. But it becomes harmful when we use it as a measuring stick for our own worth.
You have an incredible life that's uniquely yours. Your struggles, your victories, your quiet moments, and your growth. None of that needs to be validated by an app.
The people who matter most in your life care about who you are, not what you post. And the person whose opinion matters most is you.
So the next time you feel that familiar sting of comparison, remember: you're not behind in life. You're exactly where you need to be, working on becoming the person you want to be. And that's something worth celebrating, whether you post about it or not.
Stay stoic,
StoicWisdoms
Related posts:
8 Must-Read Books on Stoicism for Personal Growth
10 Books That Made Me Think Differently
5 Life-Changing Lessons from Marcus Aurelius
How to Take Action When You Don't Feel Like It
Amen to that, wise Stoic sibling.
Social media has turned everyone into their own unpaid publicist, curating dopamine-dripping updates while quietly panicking in pajamas. Meanwhile, we scroll like monks with spiritual amnesia, wondering why our rice and stillness don't sparkle like someone else's vacation in Tulum.
But Marcus had it right: stop peeking at your neighbor’s parade and tend your own damn soul.
Let the influencers chase relevance. I’ll take irrelevance and peace with a side of unfiltered silence, please.
—Virgin Monk Boy
(Recovering comparison addict and part-time heretic of the Algorithm)
I neither want to impress anyone,or get impress by any one." Each to their own". Life is pleasant that way ❤️