This is how I dealt with the loss of my partner to cancer 9 years ago - stoically. I was criticised as uncaring and fake in my love, when in reality I didnt want it to define me, I wanted it to leave a warmth that allowed me to fondly remember, whenever the moment decided to give me that memory or positive trigger - a song, a colour, a look, a white feather etc. She is always with me, in me, part of me, never forgotten, always loved, just not the definition of who I am and why I exist.
When the tides of grief cease with their ebb and flow and the sea is calm, you remain on the beautiful, perfect beach bathed in the glow of a warm sunset of memories 💖
This passage in the article sums it up :
The shift Seneca was pointing toward is rarely talked about clearly. It runs from grief that wounds to grief that becomes something else. A kind of warm remembering. A way of carrying someone forward that doesn’t require keeping yourself broken on their behalf.
Following my earlier comment up. I was out with my current partner this afternoon and a song came on my car radio via Spotify - "Things My Father Said" bu Black Stone Cherry, I played it over and over when my dad died 13 years ago, as it's very apt. That song is what I associate with his memory and I wept as I remembered him fondly, but just whilst the song played. After it was finished I was fine and continued with my day. This is what I was saying about the triggers that bring back a ripple of grief mixed with fondness. These cues to release are OK, even good to experience, for as long as you need for balance to be restored. For me it's always music that brings the memory, the cue to remember. There's a saying : "Where words fail, music speaks". So very true 💖
Love this post! Grief is such an individual process with no real timeframe. Grief is meaningful, not a place to feel shame … it demonstrates love … but there is a shift in the eternal relationship … which is such a healing way to view it. Thank you
Beautifully, your post was an answer to my heart from the heavens. suffering so many losses in the last few years a.nd as current as this last week, I've lost myself in the grief, I prayed for god to help me get thru another devesting loss , adding another layer to the grief of the other, his answer was your post. You are an angel, its made so much of a difference in this moment, that will carry on in my future moments, Thank you, truly and deeply, thank you.
“Grief is evidence the love was real.” Such a profound summation.
My mother died suddenly. I carried Kleenex in my car for six months. My father was stoic in his decline and still the arrival of his departure was difficult to overcome. My parents were happy and filled our lives with humor and devotion.
The gift is that each day I feel them on each shoulder never leaving my heart and mind. An everlasting love never departs. It always sits quietly to comfort and cheer you with memories of support, laughter, and presence that protected you in hard times and celebrated the good times with you. To love, be loved, and to have been loved is the most valuable gift a human can give and receive. A treasure no wallet can buy. It is a gift of the will.
Thank you for sharing 🙏 A piece totally relatable and courageous enough to be written and to be read...I am sure it has given strength to many like me..to appreciate the loss and value what I still am left with as legacy, memories, values..deep in my heart and soul 💕
It also helped me realize that my late husband had completed his story, since I often understand and teach through stories. At first it felt unfair that we did not get to enjoy old age together, that we had exciting plans in the work. But maybe getting sick mid stride is ok. I let him show me how he wanted to face it once he could somewhat comprehend. (Sepsis is terrible by the way). He still tried to get back to some of his activities, like teaching acting and it did not matter that his abilities had deteriorated. He never made it out of his wheel chair. . (He switched to teaching by phone). He had a remarkably significant influence on my life, his friends, and his many public speaking and communication students, some who came to the memorial service.
This is how I dealt with the loss of my partner to cancer 9 years ago - stoically. I was criticised as uncaring and fake in my love, when in reality I didnt want it to define me, I wanted it to leave a warmth that allowed me to fondly remember, whenever the moment decided to give me that memory or positive trigger - a song, a colour, a look, a white feather etc. She is always with me, in me, part of me, never forgotten, always loved, just not the definition of who I am and why I exist.
When the tides of grief cease with their ebb and flow and the sea is calm, you remain on the beautiful, perfect beach bathed in the glow of a warm sunset of memories 💖
This passage in the article sums it up :
The shift Seneca was pointing toward is rarely talked about clearly. It runs from grief that wounds to grief that becomes something else. A kind of warm remembering. A way of carrying someone forward that doesn’t require keeping yourself broken on their behalf.
Nothing can prepare you for grief. There are no words that can touch it.
Following my earlier comment up. I was out with my current partner this afternoon and a song came on my car radio via Spotify - "Things My Father Said" bu Black Stone Cherry, I played it over and over when my dad died 13 years ago, as it's very apt. That song is what I associate with his memory and I wept as I remembered him fondly, but just whilst the song played. After it was finished I was fine and continued with my day. This is what I was saying about the triggers that bring back a ripple of grief mixed with fondness. These cues to release are OK, even good to experience, for as long as you need for balance to be restored. For me it's always music that brings the memory, the cue to remember. There's a saying : "Where words fail, music speaks". So very true 💖
Beautifully stated.
Love this post! Grief is such an individual process with no real timeframe. Grief is meaningful, not a place to feel shame … it demonstrates love … but there is a shift in the eternal relationship … which is such a healing way to view it. Thank you
Beautifully, your post was an answer to my heart from the heavens. suffering so many losses in the last few years a.nd as current as this last week, I've lost myself in the grief, I prayed for god to help me get thru another devesting loss , adding another layer to the grief of the other, his answer was your post. You are an angel, its made so much of a difference in this moment, that will carry on in my future moments, Thank you, truly and deeply, thank you.
"That wound will never fully heal. He will carry it the rest of his life." - Gandalf
What a beautiful post.
Beautifully written
“Grief is evidence the love was real.” Such a profound summation.
My mother died suddenly. I carried Kleenex in my car for six months. My father was stoic in his decline and still the arrival of his departure was difficult to overcome. My parents were happy and filled our lives with humor and devotion.
The gift is that each day I feel them on each shoulder never leaving my heart and mind. An everlasting love never departs. It always sits quietly to comfort and cheer you with memories of support, laughter, and presence that protected you in hard times and celebrated the good times with you. To love, be loved, and to have been loved is the most valuable gift a human can give and receive. A treasure no wallet can buy. It is a gift of the will.
Thank you for this. This helps me deal with grieving over the loss of my parents.
Thank you for sharing 🙏 A piece totally relatable and courageous enough to be written and to be read...I am sure it has given strength to many like me..to appreciate the loss and value what I still am left with as legacy, memories, values..deep in my heart and soul 💕
It also helped me realize that my late husband had completed his story, since I often understand and teach through stories. At first it felt unfair that we did not get to enjoy old age together, that we had exciting plans in the work. But maybe getting sick mid stride is ok. I let him show me how he wanted to face it once he could somewhat comprehend. (Sepsis is terrible by the way). He still tried to get back to some of his activities, like teaching acting and it did not matter that his abilities had deteriorated. He never made it out of his wheel chair. . (He switched to teaching by phone). He had a remarkably significant influence on my life, his friends, and his many public speaking and communication students, some who came to the memorial service.
Very thoughtful essay. Thanks for untangling it all. Seeing a few past losses (and my prepping for a future one) in a more positive light.
I’m grieving many things, some fresh and some old. Reading this really helped me to put the feelings I carry into a better perspective. Thank you.
As a hospice chaplain this is a topic that is near and dear to my heart. May her memory be for a blessing. 🙏♥️
St Francis called her Sister Death.
Circumstances surrounding her appearance vary but the inevitability of her visit is certain.
Anne Morrow Lindbergh told her daughter that the horror of it leaves, but not the sadness.
No one wants to learn this.