Growing up as a kid i also had anger, but then I came across a gospel message on self control and it changed how I react when angry. The change was never instantaneous rather it was a gradual process of channeling my anger whenever it arrived into something else. Then I would either drink water, take a shower or do some push-ups to blow off steam, and overtime the rate at which I reacted when I got angry reduced.
Anger as a fuel is not a sensible approach, having come from an industry that uses this approach. It has a significant range of physical and psychological impacts. The body goes into fight mode, and releases stress hormones, the longer you stay in that space, the more of these that are released. Generally speaking if your not going to burn it off physically, and wind down soon after, you're better off not doing this.
I think you’re arguing against a different point than the post is making. It’s not saying anger should be cultivated, prolonged, or used as a lifestyle strategy. It’s saying that when anger already appears, the useful move is to catch the surge before it becomes destructive and redirect it into something steadier. That’s very different from staying in fight mode or feeding the emotion.
I think it depends on if you bury the anger or if are grateful for how a situation, which lead to anger, gave you the jolt needed to snap out of a stagnant period of life. I've just gone through this exact experience, when I felt low and began to accept my circumstances, I wanted something to snap me out of the haze of low motivation and feeling of drowning in responsibility/unfortunate events. For me, all it took was getting pissed off enough about the final straw. I agree leaving emotions unaddressed is not healthy but if you are already angry for a short while, it presents an opportunity for a temporary boost in motivation.
Im going to say what I want to say as politely but as forcefully as necessary for the situation.
And I give two shits about the fallout. I just can’t anymore. I’m physically sick and exhausted. I need a life change. I give two shits you like this post or not. Sorry.
What resonated with me most is the distinction between the emotion itself and our relationship to it. I don’t think anger is inherently the problem. The real danger begins when awareness disappears. An emotion becomes destructive the moment it owns us instead of the other way around.
That tiny gap you describe is, to me, where freedom actually lives. It’s the place where instinct no longer has the final word, where we stop reacting mechanically and begin responding consciously. Character isn’t built when life is calm; it’s built in those few seconds when we have every reason to lash out but choose differently.
Perhaps that’s why self-mastery has always been considered one of the highest virtues. We can’t prevent the storm from arriving, but we can decide whether it becomes destruction or transformation. In the end, it’s not our emotions that define us, but what we do in the brief moment between feeling them and acting on them.
I too believe the gap between feeling angry and reacting is where freedom begins… the pause before the reaction is very difficult at first by over time the pause gives us the time/ space to reflect and try to make sense of heated situation and the realization that we can only control ourself and it gives us time to try to make sense of the another person’s experienced or perception of the same situation - not to sort through who’s right or wrong, but to help us under own perception which is influenced by emotions, past experience, fears and beliefs.
Space between anger and reacting helps to see a broader perspective that may be the other person experienced the same situation differently. Hopefully it opens up the door to have a calm conversation to understand each other.
Unfortunately, with social media and instant messaging people often react with anger and say horrible things to each other and even worse, there’s no body language or emotions- I think this is a trend that is really ruining a lot of relationships even within families.
Everything that arises is designed to wake us up. Noble is he who defends himself. Like a lion or a king on his throne. All else is useless psychology.
I must ruminate on this; there is a lot said here. It probably could be said with less words but I get the point. But understanding the concept doesn’t make it any easier. You have been able to do this, and I’m happy for you, and your management of such a destructive force that I’m all too familiar of being on the receiving end. I think most people will not be able to this. Anger is a powerful di
I hit send by mistake. This will help some people, and for that the concept is very valuable. I will use this to help someone dear to me manage their anger in a less destructive way. Thank for your words of wisdom.
some people are more concerned about the fallout, how to genuinely assess ‘fallout’
The act of falling out with someone can be bridged in a sentence. A statement or one small action.
That’s it. Move on.
If a collective goal is in mind. Anger can be fused into the goal again and not the company you may be with, who are helping each other keep morale and confidence.
I was trying to figure out in the beginning of the post that where are we going with this? However, the last paragraph did answer that. When the person is removed from the picture and the action and situation remains, we now have anger that can be redirected and the fuel can be used to create good results.
I am reading “The Great Hunt” now (second book in the “Wheel of Time” series) and one of the heroines is unable to access her power of light unless she is angry. She needs to seek a reason to be angry to save her friends. That made me think about what you wrote in a different light. I will try to use any anger I feel as fuel and to access my inner power :)
This is so so good and a text I think everyone should read 💛 I have always hated the approach of labeling certain emotions or feelings as “bad” or “the enemy” and rather put them all on the same playing field and figure out what they are trying to tell you.
If we experience certain things, it’s for a reason. I wish someone had taught me this earlier. I ended up bottling up a lot of my anger (in addition to other “negative” emotions) and this worked against me in many ways, eating at me from the inside.
And I would disagree with those who say anger is bad and should not be used as fuel.
Anger itself is not bad. Uncontrolled anger is what is harmful.
You can be angry for no good reason, but anger can also be a sign that a boundary was crossed, a violation happened, or something really was unjust.
You can and should acknowledge being wronged, but perhaps the solution is to relinquish the judgment that the wrongdoer must be punished (specifically by YOU).
This is helping me understand a lot better the Scripture verses that tell you to “not let the sun go down on your wrath” or when God says “vengeance is mine, I will repay”.
Anger can be a tool when wielded with wisdom. A tool for JUSTICE ❤️
This article was brilliant, thank you for writing it! 🩵
What I appreciate most is the distinction between anger and aggression. We often treat them as the same thing, but anger itself is just energy. The problem is not that we feel it, but that we let it choose its own target. Maturity may not be learning how to never get angry, but learning how to make that energy serve something better than destruction.
“The passion was the judgment. Drop the judgment and you are not harboring passion. You are holding a charge that has been stripped of its conclusions.”
This above paragraph from your article says it all to me.
I was never an angry kid or adult - yet sometimes my passion came out to others as anger & then judgement. (It’s all wrapped up in the fight or flight mode).
My Anger is Passion and it’s fuel for me & how I use it!
I grew up with uncontrolled anger as well. The older I got the more damage my anger did and the more perplexing it became. When I wasn’t angry I was a very likable social person and genuinely liked people. I first began to notice that my outbursts occurred only with the people I was closest to and those I had zero connection with like another driver. Typical for angry people. I remember clearly the day I not only recognized but quickly afterwords, experienced the ‘gap’. Not the gap between anger and action but the gap between hurt and angry. That’s when I got a hold of it. Really got a hold of it because that gap allowed me to realize that hurt was passive and could be addressed with sympathy and allow me time to understand the energy I had always been afraid of before. Many more lessons have come since then and the anger is now not only rare but usually fleeting and tame. The gap is real.
I love this post for driving me to think more deeply about my own anger and my own history. I spent the vast majority of my 65 years being at the mercy of my anger. Your statement about freedom being found in the gap between emotion and action is gold.
For much of my life I had no experience of this space; now I know it to be infinite and to be holy. That’s not to say that I never lose my shit anymore, just that I’m so much less bound to. Many people have told me they admire my patience because they never saw my fuse truly lit. I was great at prevention ignition, but hopeless at quelling a lot fuse! Now I’m finding more time, more capacity to redirect and find a means of addressing the issue at hand. It’s not easy, but as you so clearly put it - it’s becoming easier! The rewards are limitless and empowering, certainly that is one thing anger should do, empower us. Only in this transformation, however, can it really do so.
Anger is not fuel.
Anger is evidence that something in the self has become destabilized.
The question is whether the destabilization is aligned with reality or merely with wounded desire.
Either way, anger is not the master.
It is the thing that must be brought back under mastery.
Growing up as a kid i also had anger, but then I came across a gospel message on self control and it changed how I react when angry. The change was never instantaneous rather it was a gradual process of channeling my anger whenever it arrived into something else. Then I would either drink water, take a shower or do some push-ups to blow off steam, and overtime the rate at which I reacted when I got angry reduced.
I completely agree with your message message 👍.
The gap between emotion and action is where freedom begins.
Anger as a fuel is not a sensible approach, having come from an industry that uses this approach. It has a significant range of physical and psychological impacts. The body goes into fight mode, and releases stress hormones, the longer you stay in that space, the more of these that are released. Generally speaking if your not going to burn it off physically, and wind down soon after, you're better off not doing this.
I think you’re arguing against a different point than the post is making. It’s not saying anger should be cultivated, prolonged, or used as a lifestyle strategy. It’s saying that when anger already appears, the useful move is to catch the surge before it becomes destructive and redirect it into something steadier. That’s very different from staying in fight mode or feeding the emotion.
I think it depends on if you bury the anger or if are grateful for how a situation, which lead to anger, gave you the jolt needed to snap out of a stagnant period of life. I've just gone through this exact experience, when I felt low and began to accept my circumstances, I wanted something to snap me out of the haze of low motivation and feeling of drowning in responsibility/unfortunate events. For me, all it took was getting pissed off enough about the final straw. I agree leaving emotions unaddressed is not healthy but if you are already angry for a short while, it presents an opportunity for a temporary boost in motivation.
Im going to say what I want to say as politely but as forcefully as necessary for the situation.
And I give two shits about the fallout. I just can’t anymore. I’m physically sick and exhausted. I need a life change. I give two shits you like this post or not. Sorry.
What resonated with me most is the distinction between the emotion itself and our relationship to it. I don’t think anger is inherently the problem. The real danger begins when awareness disappears. An emotion becomes destructive the moment it owns us instead of the other way around.
That tiny gap you describe is, to me, where freedom actually lives. It’s the place where instinct no longer has the final word, where we stop reacting mechanically and begin responding consciously. Character isn’t built when life is calm; it’s built in those few seconds when we have every reason to lash out but choose differently.
Perhaps that’s why self-mastery has always been considered one of the highest virtues. We can’t prevent the storm from arriving, but we can decide whether it becomes destruction or transformation. In the end, it’s not our emotions that define us, but what we do in the brief moment between feeling them and acting on them.
Excellent piece. It gave me a lot to think about.
I too believe the gap between feeling angry and reacting is where freedom begins… the pause before the reaction is very difficult at first by over time the pause gives us the time/ space to reflect and try to make sense of heated situation and the realization that we can only control ourself and it gives us time to try to make sense of the another person’s experienced or perception of the same situation - not to sort through who’s right or wrong, but to help us under own perception which is influenced by emotions, past experience, fears and beliefs.
Space between anger and reacting helps to see a broader perspective that may be the other person experienced the same situation differently. Hopefully it opens up the door to have a calm conversation to understand each other.
Unfortunately, with social media and instant messaging people often react with anger and say horrible things to each other and even worse, there’s no body language or emotions- I think this is a trend that is really ruining a lot of relationships even within families.
Everything that arises is designed to wake us up. Noble is he who defends himself. Like a lion or a king on his throne. All else is useless psychology.
I must ruminate on this; there is a lot said here. It probably could be said with less words but I get the point. But understanding the concept doesn’t make it any easier. You have been able to do this, and I’m happy for you, and your management of such a destructive force that I’m all too familiar of being on the receiving end. I think most people will not be able to this. Anger is a powerful di
I hit send by mistake. This will help some people, and for that the concept is very valuable. I will use this to help someone dear to me manage their anger in a less destructive way. Thank for your words of wisdom.
some people are more concerned about the fallout, how to genuinely assess ‘fallout’
The act of falling out with someone can be bridged in a sentence. A statement or one small action.
That’s it. Move on.
If a collective goal is in mind. Anger can be fused into the goal again and not the company you may be with, who are helping each other keep morale and confidence.
I was trying to figure out in the beginning of the post that where are we going with this? However, the last paragraph did answer that. When the person is removed from the picture and the action and situation remains, we now have anger that can be redirected and the fuel can be used to create good results.
I am reading “The Great Hunt” now (second book in the “Wheel of Time” series) and one of the heroines is unable to access her power of light unless she is angry. She needs to seek a reason to be angry to save her friends. That made me think about what you wrote in a different light. I will try to use any anger I feel as fuel and to access my inner power :)
This is so so good and a text I think everyone should read 💛 I have always hated the approach of labeling certain emotions or feelings as “bad” or “the enemy” and rather put them all on the same playing field and figure out what they are trying to tell you.
If we experience certain things, it’s for a reason. I wish someone had taught me this earlier. I ended up bottling up a lot of my anger (in addition to other “negative” emotions) and this worked against me in many ways, eating at me from the inside.
And I would disagree with those who say anger is bad and should not be used as fuel.
Anger itself is not bad. Uncontrolled anger is what is harmful.
You can be angry for no good reason, but anger can also be a sign that a boundary was crossed, a violation happened, or something really was unjust.
You can and should acknowledge being wronged, but perhaps the solution is to relinquish the judgment that the wrongdoer must be punished (specifically by YOU).
This is helping me understand a lot better the Scripture verses that tell you to “not let the sun go down on your wrath” or when God says “vengeance is mine, I will repay”.
Anger can be a tool when wielded with wisdom. A tool for JUSTICE ❤️
This article was brilliant, thank you for writing it! 🩵
What I appreciate most is the distinction between anger and aggression. We often treat them as the same thing, but anger itself is just energy. The problem is not that we feel it, but that we let it choose its own target. Maturity may not be learning how to never get angry, but learning how to make that energy serve something better than destruction.
“The passion was the judgment. Drop the judgment and you are not harboring passion. You are holding a charge that has been stripped of its conclusions.”
This above paragraph from your article says it all to me.
I was never an angry kid or adult - yet sometimes my passion came out to others as anger & then judgement. (It’s all wrapped up in the fight or flight mode).
My Anger is Passion and it’s fuel for me & how I use it!
Most of this article resonated deeply. However, I got lost at the end. What is the call to action?
Thanks
I grew up with uncontrolled anger as well. The older I got the more damage my anger did and the more perplexing it became. When I wasn’t angry I was a very likable social person and genuinely liked people. I first began to notice that my outbursts occurred only with the people I was closest to and those I had zero connection with like another driver. Typical for angry people. I remember clearly the day I not only recognized but quickly afterwords, experienced the ‘gap’. Not the gap between anger and action but the gap between hurt and angry. That’s when I got a hold of it. Really got a hold of it because that gap allowed me to realize that hurt was passive and could be addressed with sympathy and allow me time to understand the energy I had always been afraid of before. Many more lessons have come since then and the anger is now not only rare but usually fleeting and tame. The gap is real.
I love this post for driving me to think more deeply about my own anger and my own history. I spent the vast majority of my 65 years being at the mercy of my anger. Your statement about freedom being found in the gap between emotion and action is gold.
For much of my life I had no experience of this space; now I know it to be infinite and to be holy. That’s not to say that I never lose my shit anymore, just that I’m so much less bound to. Many people have told me they admire my patience because they never saw my fuse truly lit. I was great at prevention ignition, but hopeless at quelling a lot fuse! Now I’m finding more time, more capacity to redirect and find a means of addressing the issue at hand. It’s not easy, but as you so clearly put it - it’s becoming easier! The rewards are limitless and empowering, certainly that is one thing anger should do, empower us. Only in this transformation, however, can it really do so.